Guy Ritchie To Desecrate Sherlock Holmes

June 19, 2008

Guy Ritchie and his husband Madonna (right)

Insane Guy Ritchie, husband of the even more insane, Madonna, has announced he will butcher remake Sherlock Holmes. Oh dear, he’s going to get Swept Away again with another flop.

her face is so hard and he looks so very unhappy

The news of Guy Ritchie touching this classic has been met with howls of horror online. I wonder where he got this idea from.

Look for the revered classic to be turned into garbage at the hands of a cult maniac, emasculated by his butch wife. Ritchie is after all the proud owner of a 99% failure rate for his films that consistently flop into oblivion, since marrying Madonna.

Maybe you can hire actor Jason Statham again, you know, since you wanted his ex-girlfriend Kelly. Madonna might give you your testicles back since she’s not with him anymore. Was she at your wedding.


CBurnett Sat, Jun 7, 2008 at 10:58 PM EST

Well Sherlock Holmes just went to crap with Ritchie’s touch just like everything else he has anything to do with he destroys. The man is devoid of talent. He cannot write and cannot direct. He should stop while he is ahead. He better be thanking God for Madonna or he would have fallen off the board into obscurity. ann Thu, Jun 5, 2008 at 02:14 PM EST

ROTFL! dan Thu, Jun 5, 2008 at 09:07 AM EST

I’m really surprised by this; just who is this film supposed to appeal to? fab Thu, Jun 5, 2008 at 08:51 AM EST

Popwatch needs to have a new subcategory: ‘Don’t read at work or people will know that you’re F-ing around’. This was so funny!! Poor Jason Statham. I really like him but he just seems to enjoy making crap movies. EP Sato Thu, Jun 5, 2008 at 08:48 AM EST

While this was absolutely hilarious (bravo, Mr. Susman!) I agree with the H*LL TO THE NO. This generated a WT* of epic proportions over at, where we are all now commencing with the geek outrage.

As for the article itself, anyone who thinks Sherlock Holmes is “stuffy” has obviously never read a Holmes story or seen any of the movies in the last 100+ years. Nix Thu, Jun 5, 2008 at 07:44 AM EST

Sign me up for the first showing of “No Sh*t, Sherlock” — love it! Cara Thu, Jun 5, 2008 at 06:43 AM EST

I’m guessing it will be an action/adventure comedy starring Seth Rogen as Sherlock Holmes and Shia LaBeouf as his trusty sidekick Watson. And it will be set in the future. And Holmes will have a jet pack. misty Thu, Jun 5, 2008 at 05:44 AM EST

I think perhaps Guy Richie has a death wish or something, because his career is deader than a dead man in Deadville. At least he has his missus to pay the bills… Jackie Wed, Jun 4, 2008 at 08:46 PM EST

funny! I’m sitting here laughing. You should totally write the script for the movie. I’d def go see it! Laura M Wed, Jun 4, 2008 at 05:42 PM EST

Bleeding ‘ell! That was right hilarious, Susman! BrandonK Wed, Jun 4, 2008 at 05:19 PM EST

Statham can do anything? Did you see “In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale”? I guess technically he did do it, but I don’t think that’s what you were implying when you said he can do anything…

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle is spinning in his grave like a top, I’m sure. whimsey Wed, Jun 4, 2008 at 03:06 PM EST


GUY Ritchie is to write and direct the worst Sherlock Holmes film in the history of cinema, Warner Bros confirmed last night.

Critics say Ritchie will make ‘Without a Clue’ look like ‘Lawrence of Arabia’…

“Plus he’s got a Guy Ritchie script to work with, which is 18-carat gold if you want to make a piece-of-shit film.” McKay said while Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes would be the worst ever, he doubted it would match the eye-gouging awfulness of the director’s previous films Revolver and Swept Away.

He said: “Pretentious, fractured, convoluted and overwrought. And that was just the opening credits. For the love of G-d, make it stop.”

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